Man-period
by hi1'mbored
Summary: "I think you look rather plump and fresh, Sakura-chan". Well, he may not be great with words, or revenge, but he wasn't the one jealous of his own son. - Canon pairings -


Naruto raised a brow at the brooding Uchiha, slumped only slightly – of course, an Uchiha would never _really_ slump – in the living room couch.

"My, he looks so much like Sasuke-san"

Hearing the comment, he looked back at the two women who were busy admiring a small bundle with a distinctive mop of raven hair. They were right, he _did_ look a lot like the Teme. Naruto mentally grimaced at the thought of this Sasuke lookalike growing up with a Sasuke like attitude. That attitude, which, for some reason, meant the bastard had to brood even with the arrival of his first son. Naruto looked over to his best friend and frowned. Couldn't he take the stick out of his ass for these joyous few months?

Sasuke had seemed nothing short of content, and as complete as a man could seem, at the coming of his second child. Naruto had never seen his friend smile quite so gently.

However, judging from the irritated glances and the slight twitch of a scowl upon his lips, Sasuke was back on his permanent man-period.

Deciding to shun his best friend momentarily, he joined his wife and sister-in-bond. The blond watched as his pink-headed former teammate shifted the baby in her arms, a lovely smile lighting her face. Despite the minor bags under her eyes, she looked as lively and beautiful as ever.

Naruto shuffled closer, "hey little guy", he lifted his hand and lightly poked the newest Uchiha, causing the boy to grasp his pointer finger. "I'm your totally awesome uncle and Hokage". Sakura giggled as the boy bit onto the finger he was holding. Naruto smiled, "that's right, and I'm way cooler than your lame dad".

Sasuke snorted derisively from the couch, while Sakura and Hinata tutted him. "Naruto, don't feed him lies", Sakura glared at him.

The ever graceful and wise Hokage pouted at that, "But, Sakura-chan, it's the truth!" Sasuke got up, joining them, "Didn't you contract food poisoning last month because you decided to eat the onigiri you had kept in your drawer for 'extra energy'". Naruto glared at Sasuke.

Once a traitor, always a traitor.

Hinata looked at him aghast, "Naruto, you told me Teuchi forgot to cook the meat properly!" Naruto rubbed his head sheepishly, "A-ah, well…"

Sakura shook her head and sighed in disappointment, "Some days I really worry about the future of our village".

Naruto gave Sasuke an exasperated look, but calmed when he noticed the male was preoccupied with something else. Following his gaze, Naruto observed the small smile on Sakura's face – as she looked down at the baby – and traced it back to the irritated expression upon the patriarch's face.

Hold on

Naruto's eyes widened as a sly grin crept onto his face. So that's it.

Immediately, thoughts of blackmail and a lifetime of quips entered the hokage's head. He couldn't believe the bastard was feeling neglected by his sweet, innocent, obviously-too-good-for-him, wife. The blond cackled inwardly at the pathetic Uchiha. How _lame_.

Hinata nudged him slight, "Dear?", she enquired quietly. Naruto just flashed a mischievous look her way, a look that Hinata – sadly – knew all too well. "Naruto", she repeated pressingly. Unfortunately, it was too late.

"Hey, Sakura-chan", He struggled to hold back giggles, "you know, you look very pretty today", he finished enthusiastically, shooting Sasuke a devious look. The Uchiha shot back a death glare.

Sasuke was right, this revenge business was quite fulfilling.

Sakura blushed at the statement, then sighed, "Thanks Naruto, but you know as well as I, that I look like a sleep-deprived drag queen". Naruto shook his hand back and forth rapidly, as if to wave off her comment, "No, no, I think you look rather plump and fresh". Three heads turned towards him, one with fear, one with unquenched anger, and the last he didn't see on account of envisioning his imminent demise.

" _What?!"_

Oh shit, that came out wrong. "I-I, Sakura-chan, th-that's not what I meant!"

"Did you just call me fat, Naruto?!" Sakura handed young Seiichi to his father. Naruto cursed at his best friend for taking the child, and hence leaving the angered woman empty handed and capable of….well, killing him.

"No! no, of course not!" Naruto put his hands up in front of him to deny the statement, and also defend himself. Obviously, this wasn't going quite according to plan. "I meant, you look healthy, y-yeah, and curvaceous"

Sasuke glared at him at that moment, "What did you just say about my wife?"

Naruto, being the great and loving friend he was, decided at that moment to throw Sasuke under the bus. "Well why else would the Teme salivate over your breasts?" Okay, that was a lie, but at least it bought him time. They all watched as Sakura spluttered, turning as red as a tomato.

Hinata, seeing the window of opportunity, grabbed Naruto, bidding them a hurried goodbye, and left through the door, dragging a grateful Naruto. Sasuke glared at the door a while longer, while Sakura collected herself.

"…S-stupid Naruto", Sakura remained blushing, and refused to look at Sasuke while taking Seiichi from his arms, "I'll kill him next time we see him".

Sasuke looked back at his wife, listening to her mumble some very colorful language at the thought of the blond. The insults soon after turned into a long rant.

"As if y-you would care about things like that", she fidgeted and flitted about like a lost bird, "you're a rational, level-headed shinobi, unlike that idiot". Sakura put Seiichi into the rocker, and then continued rambling. "Thank god you're not a pervert like the other males in team 7!".

Wasn't she a little hypocritical there?

"I'm sure you haven't even noticed my breasts! Why would you, uh, stupid Naruto!" Sasuke watched his nervous wreck of a wife flail dramatically. Maybe he could shut her up. "I mean, they're still smaller than hina-mmph".

He did enjoy shutting her up

Sasuke pulled back from the kiss to look at her, once again, bright red face, "You're annoying".

Sakura gaped at him. Sasuke gave her a terrifyingly dark – and sexy; god she wanted to rape him right now – smirk, "of course I noticed". She shuddered at the deep and husky voice and the warm breath upon her face. Sakura laughed nervously, he couldn't possible mean – "D-dear?"

She whimpered when his smirk turned feral.

"And I don't appreciate Seiichi hogging my dessert"

"S-sasuk-MMmph"

* * *

"Hey, Hinata"

"Yes, Dear?"

"Do you think Sakura-chan will kill me the next time she sees me?"

Sigh, "Yes Dear"


End file.
